I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
