Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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