You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
