the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
