All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
