dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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