I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
