Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
