I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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