just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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