He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
