Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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