I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize