I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
