those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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