i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
