she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't notice because vodka
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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