I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
