How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
