So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
