He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
