She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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