You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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