Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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