I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
