even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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