End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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