I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
