weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
