you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
