Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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