i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
