If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
