i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
