Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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