So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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