Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
