We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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