Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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