i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
