Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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