just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
