cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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