You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
