he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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