When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
