I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
