I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize