The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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