I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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