Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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