I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
