im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
