I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Duck Duck Cougar?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
