He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
