Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
