I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
