The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
