You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
