Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
