I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
