On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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