I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
