so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
