She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
