need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
