proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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