I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
