Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
