sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
