So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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