I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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