jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
