I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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