remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we made out on top of his cat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
