Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
