Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize