Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
