she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my shit smells like andre
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
