literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
